While the human body is beautiful, the act of sending an unsolicited dick pic is ugly. We asked listeners to choose the "prettiest dick" from a gallery of dick pics that were submitted to us, that our listeners had received without solicitation. The grand prize goes to the person who received the winning pic, not the guy who took a picture of his dick and sent it to them...
If all submissions are judge on the basis of "equality":
"Untitled" is the clear wiener
Our runner up is "Freud was a Dick"
"Shadow of a Man" receives the honorable unmentionable
If all submissions are judged on the basis of "equity", then they each win the unique sub-categories they define:
"Untitled" wins for being the undeniably popular (5 to 1). However, this picture was submitted by the owner of this penis (which technically did make it unsolicited - we didn't ask people to send pics of their dicks). Of the handful of dicks we received from their owners, this was the only pic we included. To be fair, he did provide a "stand-in submitter" who had previously received the pic unsolicited. For this reason, we want "Untitled" to know while he will receive the title, the runner up will receive the grand prize.
"Freud was a dick" wins for being the "actual winner" of the contest, as it received the most votes of those pics submitted "by the the book".
"Shadow of a Man" wins for capturing the essence of everything that we love about unsolicited dick pics, including:
1. You can't help put squint/scowl as you take a bewildered second look
2. Amazing posture
3. Fashion forward manscaping
4. Choice of setting
5. Revolutionary dick orientation
So what now?
We are transforming our Pageant Gallery into an ongoing "Unsolicited Dick Pic Wall of Fame"
That's right, stay tuned for, yourdickfamousnow.org, or something like that.